That light in the sky

that never seemed

to shine

forever, 

that was bathed eternally 

in the winter

above the earth,

gave me a kiss.

That light int he sky

that was bigger than 

existence, 

that was bound by its

own oath

gave me this..

i don’t know what i have

but i don’t like it.

i don’t know you.

i was given a flower,

that had been freshly pick from

the its rich soil.

the only problem i have with it is 

that from the moment it was plucked

it started dying

it started to loose its beauty.

i my self have never been planted,

but appear to have been uprooted 

years ago.

i want what somthing that can stand

being torn away from its 

environment 

and remain glorious in it own right.

i want something to balance out

my gravely unfortunate 

situation. 

Kiss my cheek and

i’ll kiss the lips that i

continuously seek and 

i’ll kiss the lips that i continuously seek.

The mirrors have already told me,

that’s why mine are all broken.

Why did you have to reinforce

what i already know?

STOP pretending like you don’t hear me,

yes this is a thought in my head

but im screaming it loud 

enough for you to sense it.

By you not taking the time to look in

my direction, to even prove you

notice my existence is disgusting.

By you not looking, you have already told

me what i needed to know.

I not worth noticing, or knowing

or loving

or holding or caring or kissing

or living.

But you notice her….

The one with the long hair.

I know her.

I hate her.

And one day i will hate you, and you will

regret never noticing me. 

Old cigar ashes and sand

are the last flavors on my tongue.

silence reigns supreme tonight

and I stare at you as you stare at them

walking.

your favorite song plays on repeat

in my mind

and in your head phones.

The bus hits a speed bump which

breaks my concentration, but it dosen’t

break for long.

I don’t usually smoke cigars 

or smoke at all for that matter,

but i couldn’t resist after seeing you

discard what was left of it

at the beach.

i counted it as our first kiss.

I quite often pretend I’m dying

laying completely still on the dirty floor,

staring blankly at the old wall

and i think of you.

The butter knife didn’t cut that deep

The butter knife just made weep

I felt tired , I fell asleep

Counting little lonely sheep.

My autumn trees are bald

and are left without any

cover.

Winter was force upon me.

Fall seemed to last forever

up until

the first

snowflake landed right before me.

The domino affect happened

by the millions if not

billions.

I was surrounded without a coat or boots.

I was not ready.

I loved fall, and would have continued loving it

if only it was not always followed by

winter.

You were my fall, but didn’t know it.

All you know is that you are a season;

a season among other seasons.

You were one of my favorites.

I can still remember the sorbet skies

that revealed itself as the sun waved goodbye

for the day. I can still remember

how my autumn trees complemented the colorful clouds.

I miss fall.

But I know as time goes by

I will learn to love fall again,

just as I have in the past.

But sadly enough, I will once

again forget the following

season

that I dread.

How do I say

hello

without it seeming out of place?

How would I explain to you that I’ve

been looking at you all season?

I suddenly love Fall.

How can I approach you now

when I haven’t all semester?

Am I a stalker?

I don’t think so.

I think I know what I want,

and I want fall to never end.

I want you.

I want you to trip

so I can have an excuse to hold on to you

as we fight against gravity

to stand up-right again.

This would be so much easier

if you looked at me

once

to find me looking at you.

If you looked at me once

you would seem to notice how my

eyes sometimes  linger;

and how my fingers

trace the drawn outline of your face

Is there a safe way to do this?

Is friendship a safe way?

No, its misleading.

But it is easier.

But I wouldn’t be pleased with just that.

Just as fall needs the sun’s

gravity to meet winter

I need something more than a

gaze

to meet you.

Why did you have to do this during

a season where all beauty withers away.

I don’t want fall predicting

my future.

I don’t want these two things to end up correlating.

I don’t want my feelings to wither.

The emotion I feel will soon

be leaking from my eyes and free

falling down my face.

And all I ask is that you look away

when that happens.

I don’t like feeling this way,

I don’t like feeling this helpless.

Some might think that because I’ve

felt this way for so long, I would have

become accustom to it. But instead

everyday my head feels hungover

and my cheeks taste salty.

If I were to say that I were sad

or that I am not smiling, it would be lacking

the depth that is needed to fully explain

what’s going on beneath my skull.

It would make me seem as two dimensional as

the paper that this has been written on. Sometimes

to express how I really feel, I sing out my woes

in the privacy of my room barley loud enough

for even myself to hear. I could say that I feel as

starved for human interaction as the last remaining human

after an atrocious apocalypse.

But that may be too extreme, so I’ll just say that

I’m lonely.

I could say that if my face were to be marred by

a wild tiger, a difference would be know to no one and

my life would continue on as it would if the tiger had not attacked.

But some might find that a little too over dramatic, so I’ll just

say I think ill of my appearance.   

Satisfaction seems as intangible and as dangerous as the

stars that dangle in the sky, but yet I am told to reach for

both of them.

So even if I do reach out, ill either come back with a burned

hand or a fist full of disappointment. 

Im sitting at my dining room talbe thinking of you.

Im on the sidewalk looking into the cars that pass by

for you

Im counting the stars

on the side of my notes for class

and start connecting them,

its says only part of your name because you name is too long.

i buy 2 cupcakes

one for you and the other is also for you.

i like seeing the enjoyment on your face as you eat.

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Living the life i do and looking the way i do is very…unsettling, to say the least. People tell me that im not ugly, but always know that im not hot. They always have faith in the “idea” of me getting someone. I know i sound like im complaing (because i am) about the situation, but after a while faith diminishes, and so does confidence. Its hard for me to see everybody around me happy or content with someone while im eating on my bed wondering why i have no one and how all my clothes have suddenly become slim-fit. Everyday i get my hopes up, and everyday they come crashing back down. There has never been a day where my hopes have become one with reality.

Sometimes i dream so real, i break a leg when i come crashing back down into reality.

is it ok,

if i brush up against you,

accidently of course.. is that ok?

is it ok if i give you sideways glances

siezing all my awaiting chances

when you look away? is that ok?

is it ok that i already planed our whole life togeather,

we’ll live forever, and ever, and ever

is it ok that i already know your heart

is taken, so right from the start

my heart is aching, ill be ok…

is it ok

if i cry internally,

and then externally

Is It Ok if i sing my poem out of tune

and i can only stop singing in June

my birthday’s in June.

i wish for you at noon